I, Strigoi?
by StarofCalamity
Summary: Rose wakes up one morning,to find that this time,the dreams of Dimitri returning weren't just dreams.And that he has left her behind,but as a Strigoi.With enough control left in her for now,will she be able to save herself; while trying not to kill?
1. Who Am I?

I snapped my eyes open and tried not to scream, remembering the dream that I had just had. The dream where Dimitri had found me again.

Groggily, and feeling - even more than normal- angry and confused, I walked over to the mirror and stared at my reflection; and began to scream.

Because the dream mustn't have been a dream; otherwise how would I have red eyes? Like a Strigoi. Hell, how was I not all crazy yet? I sucked in a deep breath, even though I knew it wouldn't help, and closed my eyes - maybe I was still asleep.

Then I opened my eyes, I still saw the palest person I have ever seen staring back at me, with glowing red eyes. The only thing that made me recognizable, was the fear in my eyes and the scowl fixed on my face. I couldn't help but start screaming again.

Me, Rose Hathaway who was supposed to be a kick ass Guardian; screaming in fear? Yeah, almost as unlikely as just waking up Strigoi - but just as true.

My bedroom door swung open to reveal Adrian standing there grinning. "Hi Rose, what's the matter? I've just come 'cos I need to ask you something."  
I just remained silent and gripped my bedside cabinet, trying to remain in control.  
"Adrian, please... just leave."

He seemed to notice the unnatural coldness in my voice, and edged forward slowly, closing the door behind him.  
"Rose,what's wrong? Bad dreams? I haven't been in your dreams for days so..." he trailed off. I sighed, knowing that Adrian would never walk my dreams again and that I'd be lucky to survive the day.  
"Just, please go," I begged but Adrian didn't do anything. Didn't even move closer.  
"Come on, what's wrong Rose?" he opened the curtains, and I was just thankful that the Academy's day was at night. Otherwise I'd be... trapped. That meant that Dimitri must have came in the last few hours.  
"Adrian, look at me." I whispered it, as I turned around. He drew in a breath, but didn't say anything, not even shout for help.

Finally he spoke. "Oh God, Rose. Your aura." He didn't explain what he meant, but I knew it wasn't good.  
"You're Strigoi," was the next thing he said, and I slid to the floor, trying to keep calm, trying to keep in control. It was getting harder. So much harder to be me, and I could feel the anger I had felt since waking, growing in magnitude.  
"I know, what the Hell am I meant to do?" I shouted, ignoring the fact that people might hear.

Adrian searched around my room for the stake he knew I normally carried and when he found it, stood up. Then he pulled me to my feet, staring into my eyes, as if looking for something. "I'm so sorry Rose but I-". He stopped mid sentence. If I hadn't been the "danger" then I would have been proud of him for defending himself.  
"What you're going to do is you are going to get some contacts- which I'll find, and you'll do your damn best to appear normal for five hours; if you run now you're more likely to be found - more people outside. And then; when lessons finish, you will steal a car and you will run. I can't kill you, but you can't stay here." I nodded slowly, turning back to the mirror to see my reflection.

I, Rose Hathaway, am Strigoi. Yet I'm still able to think like before. For now. But how is that even possible?

**AN This is my first VAMPIRE ACADEMY story, what do you think of chapter one? R+R :)**


	2. Overrated

I tried not to dwell on what was wrong with me, and the second that Adrian left the room, I locked the door; to make it harder for me to escape and risk hurting anyone. Still, I couldn't help staring at my harsh red eyes, and wished that I could still cry.

A few minutes later there was a thump on the door and I opened the door, then sank onto the bed. "Here's the contacts." Adrian said, throwing a box towards me.  
"Thanks," I felt so awkward. He was staring at me now, looking for my aura probably, to see if I really did have a spark of humanity left.  
"It's probably not going to help but here -" he passed me a necklace and I frowned in confusion.  
"Look, Adrian, I don't think jewellery is going to help, is it? It's a bit late for that!" I snarled it, and he looked alarmed.  
"I know that, but it's got spirit magic in it..." he stammered and sighing, I put the necklace on.  
"I don't feel any different."

He shrugged as I put the contacts in. As we walked towards the hall for breakfast, he remained close to me, and I could tell that he still had the stake in his pocket. I didn't blame him, really.  
When we reached the breakfast hall,he sat down next to me and didn't move an inch, not even to get something to eat. Lissa frowned.  
"Adrian, what's wrong?" She looked from him to me, and raised an eyebrow. He laughed bitterly, and shook his head.  
I looked down at my paler than normal skin and back at Adrian, trying to remain calm.  
"You look strange the day, you look...." Christian, sitting next to Lissa, said and I shrugged, staring down at the table. I felt like screaming, and it was taking all of my control not to start kicking out.  
"Rose." Adrian said in a low voice.I nodded in response. "I know." I muttered, knowing that he would understand what I meant.

We sat there, and nobody was eating anything much, which was just as well - it made sure I looked less out of place. The rest of the day passed in a blur of trying to stay in control; until the final lesson of the day. Guardian training.

I stood against the wall, deciding that maybe I should just run for it now. Adrian was standing next to me, refusing to go to his next lesson, deciding to watch me and make sure I didn't hurt anyone instead.  
"I'm going to run now. It's probably going to be easier if I do," I whispered and he shook his head, pointing towards the teacher who was standing a few metres away.  
"Adrian Ivashkov, what are you doing here? Get to your class, now!" He just smirked and shook his head.  
"No thanks, you can punish me if you want though, just not right now."  
The Guardian didn't feel like an argument, in fact he looked a bit ill, so just shrugged. "Detention later."  
Then he turned to me. "Rose Hathaway, I thought you'd enjoy practising with stakes; after all you seem to enjoy fighting..." I shook my head.  
"Feel ill today." And refused to come any closer.  
Suddenly, before the Guardian could argue there was a loud siren, piercing the silence.  
"Strigoi attack." He paled, and turned to me. "Pick up a stake, now! Find Moroi, and take them to the Church."  
I turned to Adrian, and he was just staring at me. "You didn't do this, did you?" he whispered and I shook my head, slightly angry that he would think that.  
Slowly, I reached into the box of stakes, and wincing in pain, managed to pick one up. It seemed to burn my hand, and I could see a harsh red mark forming after just a few seconds.  
"That isn't a good idea, Rose," Adrian,said but I just shook my head.

I knew that the likelihood would be that I would lose myself soon, and become a heartless monster. I had to something while I was still me.

"I might be Strigoi but that doesn't mean I can't fight!"

**_A.N There's chapter 2 R+R :D_**


	3. Survival Of The Fittest

I jogged away, leaving Adrian to follow, stunned.  
"Guess the necklace might be helping," he muttered, and I decided not to answer, focusing on trying not to drop the stake in pain.

Seeing a Strigoi I swung out, managing to use the stake, and as the Strigoi fell to the ground, I ran on, to see Adrian fighting another Strigoi.  
"Adrian. You're Moroi, why don't you just go to the Church, or some kind of safety?"  
He frowned, breaking concentration for just a second. "You're Strigoi," was all he said in reply; as if that explained everything. He managed to tackle the Strigoi to the ground. I wondered if Moroi could get marks showing they killed Strigoi?

We ran along, and I didn't even know where I was headed, until I saw a Strigoi,fighting out against Lissa and couple of other Moroi teens. I turned to Adrian, who looked about to say something but just ignored him. I ran up behind the Strigoi and kicked him in the back so he fell to the ground, but instead of looking even slightly relieved, they started to scream. I turned back to Adrian, who was pointing at my eyes.  
"Your contacts fell out," he said, and I knew that my red eyes were now perfectly visible. The Strigoi rose from the ground looking furious; but the only spectators were Lissa and Adrian.

"Rose?" Lissa whispered, and I dropped the stake, my hand now feeling as if it was on fire. I tried not to shout in pain, but instead to remain calm.  
"I'm not going to hurt you. Not going to hurt anyone." She looked terrified -but not of all the other Strigoi around - of me.

Adrian took a stake out of his pocket, and managed to hit the other Strigoi with it, not killing it but managing to knock it out, before turning back to me. "The Guardians will kill you now, you need to run." He said it sadly, as if he still cared about what happened to me despite what I now was; a monster.

"How am I supposed to get away, huh? Are they just going to let a.... Strigoi; out of the gates, really?"

A.N R+R Sorry this chapter is shorter :)


	4. Dawn

Lissa was just standing there staring at me in shock and confusion. There were people running everywhere, but more than half of them seemed to be Strigoi. It was pretty obvious that two unguarded Moroi wouldn't make it all the way to the church, where Strigoi could not travel.

"I've got a plan," I said, my voice sounding colder than I would have thought.

"And what is this plan?" Lissa hissed, raising her eyebrows.

"Play along," was all I said as I grabbed them by the arm and yanked them along; out into the main courtyard.

Adrian didn't struggle, but Lissa did, seeming less convinced of the fact that I was just trying to get them safely away from danger, right? Eventually we reached the yard outside the church and I managed to grab them both and threw them against the wall; a little harsher than I had planned.

Making sure that any passers by could see my red eyes, proof that I was Strigoi, I pointed an arm at the Church.

"See. Your there now. You didn't have to fight anyone, it wouldn't have been safe for you..." I trailed off, slightly confused.

Lissa glared at me. "Shut up, you're not Rose Hathaway. You're just a Strigoi. You don't, you can't have real feelings. So , just leave. After all, Adrian has a stake." I was shocked at the fierce snarl she gave at the end of the sentence and started to back away before stopping. No. I had to prove to her that there was still some humanity left in me.

"Adrian. Pass me the stake."

"You're crazy, Rose," he said, but sighing; passed me the wooden instrument.

I held it pointedly, for a few minutes, just standing there, until the pain was too much, and then threw the stake back to Lissa.

"See. Does that prove it? I'm still me... I'm still..." suddenly I felt really dizzy, and leaned back against the wall.

"Crap. I think, she's finally losing it. We should run." I heard, as if from a distance; my vision fading. And soon I was unconscious....

***

I opened my eyes, to see a terrified novice standing in front of me, wielding a stake. I blinked rapidly.

"What the Hell?" I muttered, and he stared at me.

"Change your mind now, huh?"

I narrowed my eyes. "What do you mean?"

"Well, just that a second ago, you were trying to kill me, that's all." He said it sarcastically, as a distraction, and I just managed to block a punch to the face.

"Was I?" I was dazed, until I realised something. I had blacked out. And in that time between then and now - I had been a real Strigoi, a deadly... murderer?

"Did I hurt anyone?" I shouted it and the boy just kept on hitting out.

"Did I hurt anyone?" I snapped, grabbing his stake to stop him. But now the pain was greater, a massive searing pain, and I dropped the stake almost immediately, just managing to break it in half first. He made an almost whining noise, not imagining that a Strigoi could take his weapon.

"Look. I'm doing my best to stay as like myself as possible, but you have no idea how damned hard that is when you're... Strigoi, alright?" I said and he stared at me.

"Rose Hathaway. But that's not you anymore, is it. Your just lying to stay alive. And to answer your question; you haven't killed anyone yet,no, but that boy, Adrian seemed pretty beaten up."

I swore under my breath and stared at him. "Where is he?"

"The Infirmary." His eyes widened, when he realised that he had given a Strigoi information, and then he started stammering another answer within seconds.

I ran from there faster than I had thought possible and when I reached the Infirmary, I was shocked to see only two Guardians outside and just managed to run past them, and reached the main ward to see Adrian lying on a bed. He looked like he had a broken arm or something but that seemed to be the only thing wrong with him. I guess I was lucky I hadn't attacked in the normal Strigoi way. So was he.

He looked like he was asleep and I didn't think he would want to see me, not now, so grabbed a pen and paper that was lying by the side of the bed and scribbled an apology. Telling him that I was leaving the Academy and never coming back, and that I was so sorry.

Hearing a commotion behind me, I put the notebook on the bed and spun around to see a Strigoi facing me, and a Guardian standing off to the side, not sure which one of us to attack. When she saw my face, she sucked in a breath.

"Janine, will kill me." I understood what she meant, and what she was about to do, and before I could stop myself I grabbed the other Strigoi, and threw him to the ground. The Guardian stood there, staring at me for a minute and then ran towards me.

"Come on, let me go," I begged, as she twisted my arm behind my back in an action that would have broke an ordinary person's arm.

"Let me go!" she mocked and I sighed, preparing myself to run, despite everything. I remembered Lissa practising compulsion and knew that Strigoi could do that so shrugged - how could it make things worse.

"Let me go," I repeated, mirroring the tones Lissa had used and suddenly she dropped me and I ran for the exit. When I reached the Academy gates I ran for it. Until I saw the pink light on the horizon.

The sun was rising. And I had nowhere to hide....

**A.N Yayyy!! Longer chapter :O**

**I never thought I would write this much Fanfiction in one go anymore but I managed :)**

**Anyway, R+R**

**QUOTES OF THE DAY**

**"Imagination rules the world."**

**-Napoleon Bonaparte**

**"You can't buy love."**

**-Chipmunk (Music).**

**"For the darkness seemed as treacherous as a lion's den"**

**-*SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION ALERT* From a poem of mine on a writing site.**

**"If I truly told you, your hearts would break."**

**The Master (Dr Who) - John Simms.**

**"I heard it. But there's no noise, there never has been it's just your insanity... It's... What is it? What's inside your head?"**

**David Tennant (Dr Who)**

**Anyone who can tell me who wrote this quote earns virtual cookies!**

**-If you spend your whole life waiting for the storm, you'll never enjoy the sunshine.-**

Bye

x


	5. To Save A Life

I looked up in despair at the sky and began to run, my feet pounding against the pavement, not even knowing where I was headed, just to somewhere safer for me. The sun was creeping up the horizon slowly, and I winced in pain.

"Idiot," I muttered to myself, and glanced back over at the Academy behind me,and at the vast expanses of blank fields in front of me, I knew that if I was to get inside fast enough to survive then there was only one place I could head. Even though they might kill me.

I sprinted towards the Academy fence and vaulted over it, using my super-human strength. However, instead of seeing groups of Guardians and novices outside, I saw groups of Strigoi, laughing - as well as they could with cold voices, and almost emotionless expressions.

"We've done it. Took down an entire school of them." This Strigoi was snarling, and I gulped. Sure, I could pass for Strigoi - because I was - but the terrified expression of my face might just give away that I wasn't part of their little group.

I ran behind them, and carried on into the Dhampir dorms, bursting through the doors. I found the key to what had been my room in my pocket, and opened the door with shaking hands. Then I closed the blinds, the curtains and put a piece of cardboard over the window, before locking the door - I don't know why I bothered with this last step though, after all Strigoi can easily break doors down, I guess.

Hearing a knock on the door a few minutes later, I frowned, not knowing whether I should answer. I shouted back, trying my best to sound like I used to.

"Who is it?"

"Let me in, Rose!" I heard someone sobbing outside and realised that the Strigoi hadn't taken everyone. And I knew that if I let them in, then they would attack ME. Because of the fact that I was now Strigoi.

"I can't. I'm sorry but..." I trailed off and they began thumping the door, and knowing that this would get more attention, I opened the door to see five terrified novices. And then they saw my Strigoi eyes and they began to scream in terror. They didn't have any weapons; and I didn't know if anyone would come.

"I can't help you." I said it dully and began to shut the door, until I remembered the words Dimitri had once said. _I won't let you be a monster._

Yeah, it was a bit late for that!

**AN All characters, and the quote belong to :D**

**I'll try to update again tommorrow or Thursday. x R+R**


	6. Wooden Saviour

Dejected, I opened the door an inch to see that the five novices in front of me included Eddie, and another guy. The other three were girls. The worst thing was the way they stared at me in confusion and horror as I opened the door again.  
"Go in then," I muttered, trying to make it sound less like a growl.  
"Don't, don't. She's Strigoi!" one of them hissed, as if I couldn't here.

As if it was impossible that I would hurt them - I wish. Hearing the sound of footsteps, running towards here, I raised an eyebrow.  
"Either come in, or get the Hell out."  
Eddie stared at me crticially, as if assessing how much normality was left in me. When my glare softened, he nodded quickly and they all filed into the room, sitting as far away from me as possible.  
"We're only here because it seemed safer than out there," Eddie said, a few minutes later, to me as if I still cared about strategy.  
"One exit." I murmured and he looked confused.  
"You're an idiot. There's only one exit, alright? And look - you're stuck in here with **me** now, so aren't you an idiot?" They all slunk back against the wall terrified.

"Only one exit, what about the window?" Eddie finally said, a minute or two later.  
"The window?" Then I realised something. It was light outside. If they wanted to escape, to rid themselves of a Strigoi danger, then all they would have to do was...

I glanced over to Eddie and knew that he too had realised this. He shook his head sadly and stared at me, mouthing "Mason" as if conveying a more secret message.

_"You know what happened... with Mason? Rose it wasn't your fault, you know. It was the damn Strigoi!" Eddie had hissed and I had shook my head angrily.  
"Of course it's my fault, it was my fault."  
He shook his head. "No it wasn't. And I swear to you, I'll get revenge on Strigoi some day. Some day... But first I'll make it up to you, the fact that I was useless then..."  
_  
I frowned, unsure if I understood his message. Was he trying to tell me that destroying me, was his revenge, or that he would let me live - to keep his promise?

A loud noise broke me away from my thoughts and I stood up uneasily. "Stay there." I warned the novices, before heading towards the door. And standing outside there was the person who I once... cared about.

Dimitri.

Somehow, still managing to scream, I slammed the door behind me, went back inside and leaned against the door.  
"Who was it?" Eddie asked tensly, clutching a stake. I raised an eyebrow.  
"Why aren't you staking me?"  
He stammered something and then shrugged unsure.  
"That was... Dimitri. He's the one who made me Strigoi, in case anyone actually cares. And I hate him for it..." I leant against the door that was now threatening to be pulled from its hinges.  
"You can't hate being Strigoi. That's impossible. They go mad and then..." he trailed off as there was another loud thump on the door.

I knew it couldn't hold much longer....


	7. Risk It All

A minute or two later, I was standing against the door, hearing the wood creaking as it threatened to splinter, and fall from its frame, thus allowing Dimitri into the room. The last minute before it did so, I looked at Eddie and whispered, "Do what you have to."

He stared at me, wideyed and then nodded quickly. "Rose, there is some part of you... left, isn't there?" He seemed confused,  
I smiled wryly. "Yes. And I hope it stays that way." He stares off into space for a second and I had to lean against the door even more, now that it was about to collapse. "How many survivors?" I heard myself hear, and for a second there was utter silence.  
"About half," Eddie said tensly and one of the other novices interrupted.  
"And how many were yours?" She said it snidely, a look of pure venom in her eyes. "None. I swear. Nobody. I... I... broke Adrian's leg but that's all, I promise." I hoped that Eddie could see how ashamed I was deep down, beneath all the Strigoiness.

"None." Eddie looked at me raising an eyebrow.  
"I told you, I broke Adrian's arm and that's everything. I could never..." I didn't mention that I had already lost control once. Lucky I hadn't hurt anyone yet. That I wasn't a murdurer. But I knew that vampire nature could only be held off for so long and then...

A second later, the door crashed down, and a splinter pushed through my back, and I swore, stepping back in pain. I managed to get the splinter out, and it hadn't reached anywhere near my heart, but I was still in agony, as Dimitri stepped into the room, a smug smile on his face.  
"I told you that I would awaken you Roza,"

Shivering, even though it was impossible that I was cold anymore, I stepped backwards, so that I was standing just in front of the novices.  
"You should never have done that," I spat.  
He laughed. "Yes, but you know it was the right thing now - you can't hate what you are now?"  
"But I do." And I glanced at the window behind me, a plan forming in my mind.  
Slowly, I spun around, pulling the curtain open, exposing both of us to the light. I managed to roll onto the floor to the left, avoiding all but the tiniest amount of light.

But still I was in agony, and when I heard a scream from above me; and managed to pull myself to my feet, avoiding the light. My vision hazy, I staggered against the wall, to see Dimitri lying on the floor with Eddie holding him down. Eddie turned to me. "What do I do?"  
"Let him live," I managed to stammer. Live - what did that mean to a Strigoi - our hearts no longer beating...

Then I slid to the floor, pain encasing me. I heard footsteps,but couldn't see anymore, barely concious. Remembering what had happened last time this had happened, I managed to open my eyes for just a second.  
"Help me," I stammered to Eddie, who looked scared, more scared than he should have been, now that I was less of a threat.  
"Whaa-" I croaked.  
"Your eyes, for a second - they were brown. Not looked less Strigoi..."

Fuzzily, my brain tried to figure out what he meant; was I slowly becoming more Dhampir again or was I just taking longer than normal to be a full Strigoi? Soon, I sank into darkness... 


	8. Control

A.N Thanks to ivashkov'sgirl for the idea (you'll see it later in the chapter) - but I twisted it the OPPOSITE WAY.  
:D

This utter darkness seemed to seep away slowly, until eventually I opened my eyes again to see that I was lying on a hospital bed. Chained to a hospital bed. With two Guardians posted at the door, holding their stakes and not letting go. I could tell from the view out of the window, which despite the fact that it was pitch black, and about one a.m, betrayed the fact that this was the Academy Infirmary. For a second, I forgot that I was Strigoi, and looked down at myself, wondering why I was covered in chains, and why it was impossible for me to move more than an inch. Of course, it didn't take long for me to remember. Especially when I could see, through the narrow doorway, Adrian hobbling along towards the room on crutches.  
He stood in the doorway, not noticing that I was awake, arguing with the Guardians.

"She's Strigoi, a prisoner; if we don't need her-" He trailed off and Adrian groaned.  
"Listen, I need to talk to Rose. I have to tell her something!" he was begging now.  
One of the Guardians barked a laugh, mockingly. "I don't think your Rose, will be interested anymore. Strigoi scum,"  
But he let Adrian into the room, and I squeezed my eyes shut,pretending that I was still unconscious. Adrian leant forward and whispered something in my ear.  
"I forgive you."

Slowly, realising that this was the most I could do for him now, I opened my eyes. I knew that the harsh red colour scared him still, but I still tried to smile reassuringly.  
"Adrian, I'm so sorry... I lost it...."  
He smiled. "Little Dh-" He stopped himself mid sentence. "Little Strigoi then I guess, I understand. I'm just glad I'm still alive."  
"Yeah but I still-"  
He shook his head. "You're Strigoi. You should have no soul. No remorse. Your apology - and the fact that I'm stil breathing are enough."

I glanced down at the chains holding me to the bed and sighed.  
"Have I SERIOUSLY hurt anyone yet?" He frowned anxiously.  
"Not yet no, but really I don't think it's long before you really lose it- for good perhaps. After all, you seem to be 'blacking out' a lot. But no matter, that's not why I came. I came to tell you why your here - I think it might be better if you hear it from me."

He glanced down at the chains as if calculating whether they would hold me while furious and then sighed.  
"They're going to torture you for information and then they're going to see how good your self control is. If it holds out then they'll let you live - for now - otherwise..." He shook his head.  
I felt deep anger welling up inside me, and felt my hands begin to shake by my sides.  
"Control, Rose. Without it you're dead."  
"I know that Ivashkov!" I snarled, losing all rationality for a second, while he stepped back, frowning.  
"You need to be able to control yourself! I did some research, about St Vladmir and Anna; and I found another case just like yours. The only way for you to survive, will be to kill other Strigoi. That is the only way you will live."

As you can imagine, being told this, didn't help my anger.  
A.N Sorry for the lack of action in this chapter, I've been writing this quickly, but don't worry- the next chapters will feature.  
*The Fate of Dimitri *Rose's Trials Of Control *Reunion with Janine


	9. Trialed

TRIALS OF CONTROl

I lay there for what seemed like hours, after Adrian left, just staring at the ceiling. Eventually, I could see light growing on the horizon, but the curtains were still open. I shouted to the Guardians, asking them to close the blinds but they refused, laughing, thinking that it would be funny to see a Strigoi scream.

"I'm no good to you dead!" I finally screamed, and one of them, hesistantly, and a look of anger in his eyes, closed the blinds then walked back to the door, snarling "I'm watching you."

That day passed slowly, just lying there. Two new Guardians came, and the others left to sleep. Lucky them. Memories passed through my mind, as that was all I had to distract me - remembering the past.

_Turning to Christian, that time when the Strigoi found their way here, and whispering my thanks - he had saved my life countless times during those fights. And if Adrian was telling the truth, then now my life would depend on my abilities as a fighter..._

_Waking up Strigoi, my red rimmed eyes, and the look of fear on Lissa's face when she saw me. _

Hearing a crash, I opened my eyes, to see five Guardians standing in front of me, holding handcuffs and with grim looks fixed on their faces. They untied the chains and pushed me to my feet, and into a dark room. I didn't bother fighting; knowing it would be useless. They then handcuffed me, and left, slamming the door behind them.

My eyes slowly adjusting to the darkness that would have left a normal person blind there, I saw that there was a novice standing a few metres away, holding a stake out cautiously.  
"What is this?"  
The novice spun around, confused, trying to pinpoint where my voice was coming from. "Who... what... are you?"  
I leaned back against the wall, trying to resist my Strigoi nature, and clenched my fists. "Rose Hathaway." I winced at the coldness in my voice. The boy gulped.  
"But you're dead."  
Oh.... "Strigoi."  
He began to thump the wall, screaming, even though I was still metres away. "They said, that if they did this, then I would only have to do two of the Guardian Trials. They tricked me! And you're gonna... you're gonna..." He choked back a sob.  
"No. I'm not going to do anything. You're right, this is sick." I slid to the ground.  
"What?"  
"I said, this is sick and I'm not doing this... this is..." I paled, suddenly barely in control of myself anymore. I was dizzy and I knew that soon I would blackout - and then they'd think I was just like all the other Strigoi.

"Listen to me." I said urgently. "Talk, just keep talking. Please." I listened to his stammering, and managed to just keeping myself from falling into the darkness.

After what felt like hours, I was shoved out of the room, by two Guardians. "That was sick, what you did. You terrified him."  
"There was a Guardian at the back of the room, did you not see him?" That silenced me.  
I was tied back to the hospital bed, and soon felt myself falling...

**"Rose?" I heard someone calling, and spun around, to see Adrian in front of me. We were in the Main Hall. **  
**"Adrian?" **  
**He gasped in a breath, and begun to swear. "What's wrong?" I asked, not understanding and disorientated.  
"Don't you get it? You're Strigoi, and Strigoi don't sleep. You can't be Dhampir - not yet..." I heard the whispered 'not ever' he managed to restrain himself from shouting.  
"So? Maybe this is just my imagination?"  
"No, you don't get it. If you're not sleeping, then this means that the Strigoi part of you has taken over - and that you, your 'soul' has been pushed into this hibernation... You need to 'wake up'- you need to take control - NOW."**

A.N If you don't understand the bit in bold (it is like Adrian's dreamwalking - except in this Rose isn't sleeping, she is "hibernating" - the strigoi part of her has taken over) just let me know.

r+r


	10. Staked

_**"No, you don't get it. If you're not sleeping, then this means that the Strigoi part of you has taken over - and that you, your 'soul' has been pushed into this hibernation... You need to 'wake up'- you need to take control - NOW."**_

**I tried my best to wake up, it was as if something was physically stopping me. I bit my lip, terrified of what I could be doing. But then I realised something. Here in this 'dream world' I didn't feel even slightly like a Strigoi, I felt so like my old self that I was tempted not to try and escape. To just stay here. I turned back to Adrian.  
"I can't. I don't know how, to go back. I think... I think..." I shook my head, and he glared at me.  
****"If you don't go back then you're dead. The Guardians won't allow a violent Strigoi to live. You need to go back."  
Knowing that he was right I nodded, and concentrated even harder...**

My eyes snapped open of their own accord. I winced, suddenly in agony.I looked down at myself, to see that I had been staked. But it hadn't gone through my heart. That reminded me so much of... no. I wouldn't think of that.

The pain was overwhelming, and I was starting to feel dizzy. No-one seemed to realise that I was still alive. As I looked around, I saw no evidence of a fight - no evidence of me hurting anyone else. So maybe the Guardian had surprised me and I hadn't had time to hurt anyone?

I squinted into the distance, my vision growing fuzzy, and I saw a figure hobbling towards me on crutches. When he grew closer, I managed to see that it was Adrian, and smiled for a second, before grimacing as the pain grew stronger. He knelt down on the ground, despite how much pain it must cause his broken leg, and looked at me, his face almost as pale as my own.  
"Rose?" he asked, and I opened my eyes wider, Adrian sighing in relief.  
"You were right." I said groggily.  
"What do you mean?"  
"Like you said; they staked me."  
He tried to smile, but I knew he was panicked. "I'm going to take the stake out, but hell this is going to hurt, and I don't have enough energy to use magic..."  
I nodded quickly, and the pain grew rapidly. I screamed in agony, and then slowly the pain subsided.

When I opened my eyes again however, it wasn't just Adrian sitting there, but also my mother, Janine. I stifled a scream, as she picked up her stake again, grimly.  
"Please don't," I said groggily barely able to say anything, and Adrian started to protest too. Shouting, and cursing. But she just threatened to attack him too.  
Hearing footsteps, she turned, to see a Strigoi standing behind her, and then she stood up, and stepped away from me, seeming terrified. It took me a minute to realise who it was, standing just a few metres away, with a menacing glare fixed on his face.

Dimitri.


	11. Shadow Kissed

**Disclaimer: All characters, quotes etc belong to Richelle Mead. Only 3 days to Spirit Bound :)**

_Hearing footsteps, she turned, to see a Strigoi standing behind her, and then she stood up, and stepped away from me, seeming terrified. It took me a minute to realise who it was, standing just a few metres away, with a menacing glare fixed on his face._

_Dimitri._

I stared in shock and confusion at the scene that was unfolding in front of me. Janine Hathaway, the woman that I had once thought of as my mother, but now saw me as just a soulless monster, was standing in front of Dimitri, preparing to fight. If I had been healthy enough, then I would have fought him.

Dimitri stared down at me and Adrian sitting on the ground, and sneered. "I awakened you, join us. Destroy the Academy, they deserve it." Quickly, Adrian turned to me.  
"He'll kill you without blinking, you're not well enough to escape. Neither am I. Pretend you're just an ordinary Strigoi for now. To get away. Pretend to be on his side." He whispered it so quietly I barely heard.  
"But I can't do that... What about you? I can't even walk....What about all of you-" I trailed off.

Dimitri walked closer in that second and crouched down in front of me, staring at the stake.  
"That went through her heart. She should be dead." He directed this at Adrian, and I bit my lip confused.

_"I don't have the energy to heal you." Adrian had said. He had no energy; because he had already saved me._

_It hadn't gone through my heart - but it had, hadn't it? And Adrian, selfless, had saved me..._

Adrian glared at Dimitri. "Yes, I healed her, alright. I couldn't help it, I used Spirit and I saved her ..."  
Janine spun around, and stared at Adrian, suddenly distracted. "You brought an evil Strigoi back to life - so it could kill more people?"  
"I haven't killed anyone!" I whispered, but she just ignored me.  
Dimitri, stared at Adrian. "Well, I think you'd make a good Strigoi, don't you Roza?"  
I stared at him, furious, and then back at Adrian. "No. Please, no."

_I knew in that one instant, the reason I wasn't like the other Strigoi. Because I was Shadow-Kissed, and that meant that Adrian had no chance. Hey, maybe somehow another Spirit user could "heal" Strigoi of their darkness, but that wouldn't help... Why would they agree?_

Adrian looked panicked, and tried to struggle to his feet, but because of his broken leg couldn't; not without help. Janine ran forward to attack Dimitri, but he managed to throw her to the ground - where she remained, unconcious.

I was there last chance, alone. The only one who could fight him. The only way any of them would have a chance.

I still felt dizzy and slightly disorientated, but managed to stagger to my feet, and remembering the stake, managed to take it out of the wound, and hold it. The wood seemed to burn my hand even more than it had before, but I managed to ignore the pain, just.

Dimitri stared at me, as I stood there, holding the stake in one hand, glaring at him.  
"Stakes... they should..." he stammered, just standing there and I raised an eyebrow.  
"Don't you remember, the first lesson you ever taught me? Don't hesitate." And with that I ran forward, and pinned him to the ground, ready to stake him. Tears streaming down my face, I leaned forward. Then I stopped, just for a second, to see Lissa standing behind me, fists clenched, avoiding my eyes.

"You don't have to kill him. I know how to save him."


	12. Forgotten Ends

**Sincerest apologies for my lack of updates in this 18 months; I have simply been so busy - I have not read the V.D. books in so long but I have just remembered hthis story so will write a new chapter :D**

**It's a little different a chapter then after the last one you might have been expecting...**

**If you guys keep reading and maybe reviewing then this story will reach it's conclusion :)**

"Save him? I think he is beyond saving now, Lisa..." Adrian whispered as Dimitri ran with Strigoi speed towards the group of waiting guardians; ready to pounce. "I'll kill them all," Dimitri snarled with a toothy grin, and I almost dropped the stake with shock.

My Dimitri. My poor,poor Dimitri. I had thought that even as a Strigoi, some form of affection - some desire to help me - would remain; but he could not love me anymore - not even in a simpler, more animalistic way.

It was a calculated killing, not the primal instinct of a monster. It was me making the decision, that he was too dangerous to live. I had no choice, to stop him. If I didn't, then it would prove that I myself was too weak.

I lunged at him with the stake, the stake that was burning my hands more than ever before. Adrian had made it seem like he saved me, both from the monster lurking beneath my skin - and from death itself. Yet the world felt so cold, and the stake burned so hot.

Like fire, resting between my fingertips, as I did the only thing I could to stop the man I loved. He fell to the ground, and a dry sob escaped my throat. I couldn't cry, not any more. That release was forbidden to me.

Adrian prized the stake from my clenched hands, and whispered reassurance in my ear, that could never help.

"Help me-" I whispered, as I felt the entire world sliding away, while I reached out my hand to touch it.

"**They cannot help you now," I heard a voice whisper, and I tried to ignore how familiar it's taunting tone was. There was no hint of apology or understanding. **

"**It wasn't a choice..."**

**The man, who I couldn't see in the darkness, laughed. "You chose it, Roza. You chose it all." **

I opened my eyes, to see myself tied down to a hospital gurney. There were about half a dozen Guardians posted around the room, and I wondered what I could have done.

"Rose, how could you?" I heard my mother whisper and looked up at her face from where it loomed above me. "What?" I managed to slur, feeling more disconnected than I had before. "You let him do this... You let him turn you Strigoi..."

I shook my head. No way would I ever do that. Not for anyone, not knowing what I could do.

"I don't understand," I managed to whisper, shaking at the pain the sunlight caused as it streamed through the window onto my hand. I could not move, and I didn't dare ask to close the curtains. My hand was burned, blood red, but I was alive - or as alive as I could be.

"Adrian, when you 'slept' he... looked into your dreams." She sounded amazed, and I remembered all the times he had entered my mind, and talked to me as I slept - but this must have been something more. "He saw a memory. A memory of that day, and how cowardly you were."

_"Roza!" she heard a voice cry, and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. It felt like a dream, therefore it must be. "Roza!" she answered the door, to come face to face with a monster, a red eyed monster. And as she drew her stake, she looked at him and started to cry. Stepping back slowly, she didn't shout or fight - she just whispered for help; that could only come too late. _

_Rose was stronger than that, if she had wanted to - she could always have stopped him..._


	13. A Liar and a Coward

**_Wow. I have seriously got behind in updates on fanfiction, and if you are wondering why, it's a mixture of exams and the desire to write my own novels. Since November I've written a 100,000 word monster of a 'novel' and the first 30,000 words of another one. Both are yet to be edited, and I have my final months in compulsory education coming up, so I am really busy. However, hopefully my practice at writing has made the quality of my prose improve this last year or so._**

**_Also, this is the flashback scene that began at the end of the last chapter - showing exactly what did happen that night._**

**_So, without further ado, here is the next chapter of I, Strigoi! _**

**Emma**

* * *

_"Dimitri?" she asked, yawning as she opened the door just an inch to stare at his face. Red ringed eyes, and such pale skin, he did not look like the man she loved. He was not the man she loved, not really. He was silent, smirking at her as if this were a game to him. Anxious, Rose looked back into her room, and scanned it for her stake._

_She knew that there was no point in closing the door, he would break it down. Dimitri would tear down the entire building to be with his Roza if that was what it took, even then. Even when he was dead, even when he was Strigoi, she was all that he wanted. Apart from blood, and murder and violence, of course._

_She could not see it, could not find the only weapon that could destroy his beautiful face. The only thing that could stop him from walking this earth, and it was out of reach and out of sight._

_"My Roza," Dimitri said, and she shivered as his smile exposed the long, jagged teeth at the front of his mouth. Fangs that should not have been exposed, should not have been visible at all._  
_"I'm not yours, not anymore." She straightened up, and tried to look tall and fierce, but knew that she was failing. There was nothing which could help her now._

"You'll always be mine," Dimitri said, and she staggered back, slamming the door and leaning back against it, as if that was enough to hold him back. He would never stop, he would never cease searching for her, even if she could get away. It was kill or be killed. And... she didn't know if she could do that, if she could destroy him. After all, she could remember the day that they had first met. She knew everything about him, everything except how it felt to be like that. A monster.

He was already clawing at the door, and she could feel that it was about to give. Sprinting forward, she searched her desk for the silver stake that she knew had to be there. It had to be. She was careful, she always made sure that she was prepared - yet this morning she had been weak. She had let him get to her, rather than being her usual sassy kick-ass self, and destroying the Strigoi. As if it were so simple.

Spotting the silver buried under a pile of paper, she grabbed it and flung open the door. Tears streaming down her face, she nodded, knowing that this was the only option left to her. If she could not kill him-

"I will never be yours," she whispered under her breath, stepping out into the corridor and closing her eyes. Then, so quickly, there was only pain. So much pain. Her grip on the stake loosened, and it fell to the ground. She knew that she should never have let him get to her, that she should have fought to survive. It was too late, for she was already so very far gone.

"Help me," her voice was hoarse and low, so quiet that perhaps even Dimitri did not hear it. And even if he had, he did not stop.


End file.
